When Writing Alone Stops Being Helpful

Dear Vi,

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is for women our age to ask for help.

Why capable women struggle to ask for help

Those of us who are over fifty weren’t taught to ask for help; we were taught to give it. We were raised to be capable, resourceful problem-solvers—women who kept the peace, juggled the balls, and kept the household running smoothly, all while working full-time jobs. We were the ones other people counted on. Somewhere along the way, we internalized the belief that if I can’t do it by myself, something’s wrong with me.

For too many of us, that belief has followed us straight into our writing lives—especially when we’re working on a novel and trying to revise it on our own.

How this shows up in our writing lives

If you’re like me, you are astonishingly good at carrying a book alone. We research. We revise. We read all the craft books. We second-guess. We circle the same chapters for months, trying to see what’s actually on the page and what isn’t. We keep thinking, I just need a little more time. I should be able to figure this out on my own.

And often, we can. 😊

When revision stops being about effort

But just as often there comes a point when the issue isn’t effort or intelligence or commitment. It’s perspective. We’re deep inside the work, and no amount of elbow grease is going to give us the outside view our book is asking for.

Have you noticed that I’ve been saying we?

I am telling you the honest truth when I say that my writing-self needs to hear this as much as you do.

So here’s what I want to say to all of us, in as gentle a way as possible: needing and asking for help is a normal, expected stage of the work of writing a book—especially for thoughtful, capable writers who have something to say and care deeply about saying it. It’s just that we weren’t taught that it’s okay.

When a novel needs another set of eyes

Here’s another truth: I have never yet met a story that didn’t eventually reach a point where it needed a clearer view of itself before it could finish growing.

That’s the work I do with my Your First 50 Pages developmental edit—a professional review of the opening pages of a novel, designed to offer clarity and direction before deeper revision.

If you’re mid-draft, or standing at the edge of a first-draft revision wondering how to proceed, this work is meant to help you see your story more clearly before you push it harder.

If you’d like to learn more about Your First 50 Pages, you know where to find me. And if not, that’s fine too.

Keep writing. Keep paying attention. 😊

And remember that doing it all yourself is not a requirement for making something meaningful.

All my love,

Nita